When I started this Blog at the beginning of this year, I did it for two reasons.

First, I love writing.

Second, I needed a distraction. I felt like I was falling apart after my first holidays with both parents gone. I had asked for time off at Christmas time, but was denied because my boss was going to be out on maternity leave. It had been just over a year since dad died and just about six months since mom died. I wanted to run as far away from my reality as I could.

Writing helped.

Tomorrow marks seven weeks since I lost my job. Some days I am okay. Some days I feel strong enough to do the job search thing. Some days I bury myself in landscaping work for my landlords. Damn, they must love me right now. Some days I never get out of bed.

And some days I am just pissed off.

I have always been very careful on social media. I have never complained about my job, while employed. In fact, I am pretty sure the only negative reference I have made to a job was when I no longer worked for the “Spawn of Satan.” I have been very selective about who I invite into my personal life… nobody under 18 (mostly because I don’t want to know what they are up to); no parents, or students, or clients at work; no board members; and as of several months ago, no coworkers.

I believe in boundaries.

At the beginning of this year, I was made aware of a situation with a child I know. I learned more than I ever should have known. Boundaries were crossed and not by me. I tried to have conversations about this child with three different adults. Two were unavailable and one ignored my email in which I requested a meeting.

This child was clearly suicidal, if not homicidal.

So I wrote a Blog post. It was discreet, but clear. And I wrote to these three people who were too busy to listen, as well as two others, and pointed them to the Blog.

I got their attention.

The post stayed up for less than twelve hours. No harm done. But I created the beginning of my end at this job that I loved. That I LOVED. They assumed that my actions were related to my anxiety, depression, and profound sadness surrounding the loss of my parents.

Here’s the thing. I would do it all again. In a heartbeat. Because I have seen the clear signs of suicidal ideation far too many times. And I have known far too many people who have taken their own lives. I did the right thing. Had something happened to this beautiful young child or, G-d forbid, me and my coworkers, my conscience was clear. Very clear.

It was the beginning of my end at this job. This job that I LOVED.

When I was called in to a meeting on my last day, something I wrote in an unrelated Blog post was quoted. My “Labor Day” post, in which I stated that I was unhappy at work.

Isn’t it normal to be unhappy at work SOMETIMES?

They used that statement against me and ignored the part where I said I loved this job. And that is when I realized that I led them to stalk my Blog. Not because I am a good writer, but because they were looking for something. Anything.

And now, every time I go to write, I am stuck. Sort of “writer’s block,” but not really.

Blogging is not social media. In my humble opinion. It is an artistic outlet. A forum for writing about ones thoughts and views. A peaceful place for readers to consider what has been written and comment (or not).

So, to my Blog stalkers, I will say this. I loved this job. Contrary to what you believe, it was not a stressful job. It was a great job and I was really good at it. I was REALLY good at it. It was the ENVIRONMENT that was stressful.

You have brought me to my knees, in tears, unemployed at 52 years old and still dealing with my profound sadness at losing my mom and dad.

You have brought me to my knees, in tears, because you took away a job that I loved.

You have brought me to my knees, in tears, because you fired me three weeks after signing a lease and allowing me a “three month paid leave of absence” that will end right at holiday time.

You have brought me to my knees, in tears, but you will not stop me from writing about the people and things I love or the subjects I care about.

Writer’s block?

No.

The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline

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