I had trouble naming this post. It could have been so many things, but I decided on “Happy Monday.”

Happy Monday?

Indeed not.

Today marks the first Monday, at age 52, that I have been among the ranks of the unemployed in nearly 40 years… if I count all of my jobs. At 12, I was baby sitting, delivering newspapers, and sometimes selling night crawlers to fishermen… back when fishing down at the Connecticut River was a popular activity in our (then) small town of Rocky Hill.

At 15, I continued with those jobs and added a job at the town’s Parks and Recreation Department. At 16, it was Parks and Rec and a local restaurant. At 18, my introduction to the insurance field and what would be my first career, while most of my friends were heading off to college.

Aside from one break several years ago, when I took some time off from work because of an episode of depression–short term disability under FMLA–I have not been unemployed since I was 12 years old. It goes back to that work ethic that was instilled in me by my parents.

G-d, I miss them so much.

It is hard to be sad from where I am sitting. Quite literally. I mean, look at this view.

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I’m sitting on my landlords’ back patio right now, borrowing their WiFi signal. As if last Tuesday wasn’t traumatic enough for me, I woke up to a dead phone on Thursday, which is also my WiFi source.

I digress.

So why did I lose my job?

Well, I would like to share that story. But, like most stories, there are two sides to it. So, I will leave it at that. Except to say…

I was “unhappy with my job.” Well, I did say that in my Labor Day post… an 800 word post about the work ethic instilled in me by my parents and that is what stuck out.

The truth is, I loved this job. I loved the creative team I worked with and everyone there. And I loved the organization. But losing my dad on October 20, 2012, having my mom get sick in December of 2012, and then losing her on June 6, 2013… well, the loss of both of my parents in eight short months nearly destroyed me.

I thank G-d that the “irreconcilable differences”  I had with my family, turned out to be reconcilable. And I have good friends.

What next?

I looked at some job postings this past weekend and it made me sick. And angry. So I am going to take some time to mourn the loss of my parents, which I have not allowed myself to do.

I am going to enjoy this beautiful place I live and my two feline friends.

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I am going to fix my motorcycle and get it back on the road.

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 I am going to spend some time playing in the dirt in my landlords’ greenhouse.

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And then I will look for a job. And if I don’t find one… well, my three month “paid leave of absence” will land me at December 15. Just in time for the holidays.

If only I had been able to take time off around the holidays last year, when I knew I needed it.

If only.

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